Greetings from the darkness, my dear horror fiends! I see you find yourself once again in the company of the Count as we embark on another installment of IT CAME FROM THE SCREEN! Now, since this is a blog, you’ll have to imagine the sound of evil laughing and crashing thunder. All imagined? Good, that really sets the tone and makes my job a lot easier. I hope you have your weapons shclocked and loaded because today we look at the astounding feature, 1953’s Robot Monster!
Robot Monster is a simple film. Alien comes to earth, alien wipes out all but eight people, alien falls in love with beautiful girl. It’s a tale as old as time. The plot revolves around a gorilla like alien with antennas on an old timey diver suit helmet coming to Earth and killing all but eight people. Don’t worry, he kills more of them as time goes on. But hold on, I hear you asking your questions already. Like, what’s with the title if he’s an alien? Is he a robot? Is he a monster? Is he both? I don’t know, all I can tell you is he is Ro-Man, not to be confused with Ra-Men (yum).
Ro-Man (Extension XJ-2 if we’re using official titles) has wiped out all but one family on Earth using his incredible death ray. The family has become immune to the death ray because… science! Ro-Man, who reports only to a being called…Ro-Man, or the Great Guidance, must finish what he started by wiping out all the humans left. And, considering that the humans and Ro-Man live around the corner from each other, I’d say he’s making a lousy go of finishing up his job. I guess Ro-Man is not good at high pressure closing, so no cookie for you, gorilla alien.
Meanwhile, the humans are busy contemplating how they can go on living, defeat Ro-Man, and restart the human race. But it’s a doomed prospect because they’re a doomed lot. The main characters, Roy and Alice fall in love, decide to get married, and spend inappropriate times frolicking and making out while Ro-Man hunts them down. But then the unthinkable happens: Ro-Man falls in love with Alice. It causes him to question his mission and the meaning of life as he waxes poetic about it all.
That sounds like a straightforward plot, but that’s because I have both coherent summary skills and 21st century intellect. Hello, Hollywood, give me a call when you want to remake this masterpiece. I keep my cellphone in my hat, of course. In reality, this movie is pretty cobbled together. There’s stuff from here, stuff from there, and stuff from under there. (Did I make you say underwear?) And it’s all glued together to make a story. Kind of? Maybe I’m being too harsh here, but what I didn’t mention was all the weirdly placed stock footage, the terrible ending, and that bubble machine.
Yes, there is a bubble machine that serves as part of Ro-Man’s communication device. I can’t figure it out. There’s just so many bubbles, it’s even listed in the credits for some reason as to who supplied the bubbles. It’s puzzling.
This movie is often referred to as one of the worst ever made, and I can see where some of that is coming from. The plot is thin, the monster looks crazy and random (though I love gorillas, so I won’t harp too much on that), the dialogue is a little…uneven (“You look like a pooped-out pinwheel” says little Johnny to the great Ro-Man, who can’t think of a comeback because what does that even mean?), and the characters are pretty awful. I didn’t even care if they died. I literally did not care if the human race ended in this movie.
I know it sounds like I’m being harsh, but you can COUNT on me (get it?!) to say that while many people consider this one of the worst movies ever made, I didn’t think it was as terrible as some things that have forced their way through my eyeholes and into my brain.
Now, let’s cleanse our brains with a little about the cast and crew of this film, shall we? Ah, refreshing movie trivia! How you make me feel like a legitimate writer in the face of so much horror and schlock.
This film was directed and produced by Phil Tucker. He would spend his early career making B Films, and none of them really took off. I mean, he was saddled with Robot Monster after all. But it’s ok, because he would grow into a well-known film editor, working on films such as Orca and the 1976 remake of King Kong. He spent so long chasing monsters, never realizing the real monster was…himself!
It was written by Wyott Ordung, who didn’t seem to do too much that I can find, and I wonder how he got this job. If I had a monster that looked like this, I would make the best of it, Wyott. And I’m not monkeying around (get it, he’s half ape. Or like, three quarters, maybe).
Now the cast! We’ve got the handsome leading man in George Nader as Roy. He was famous as a good-looking face in movies such as Sins of Jezebel, Congo Crossing, and the Female Animal, none of which I will be tracking down because he was sort of a jerk in this movie. He couldn’t even be bothered to find a shirt when he was getting married. Then there’s leading lady Claudia Barrett as Alice, who’s beauty tames the savage beast. Hey, what is it about apes falling in love with leading ladies, anyway? She would appear in many films, including five in 1950 alone! That’s incredible. I can’t appear in five zoom calls a year. It’s in my contract! However, most importantly, we have George Barrows in the Ro-Man suit AND the Great Guidance suit. I think they just had the one suit, hey just like me! Borrows was kind of known for wearing a gorilla suit. What a life. Then we have John Brown as the voice of Ro-Man AND the Great Guidance. I don’t know what the excuse is there.
Lastly, I’d just like to add that this film featured music by the one and only Elmer Bernstein. Don’t recognize the name? Well you surely recognize his work. He worked on Animal House, Airplane! Blues Brothers, and even Ghostbusters!
You know, there is one thing to admire from this movie: it was made on a budget of 16 thousand dollars and made back one million. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but if I had a million dollars, I’d be writing this blog in gold font. Well, I guess I could do that for free, but anyway…
This movie was an experience. One best shared with friends. But I did watch this movie, so you don’t have too! But here’s the trailer in case you want to!
I hope you’ll join me next week for more creepy horror content as we marvel, laugh, and scream at whatever it is that comes from the screen!
It Came from the Screen 